Rejection is difficult to navigate even in the best of times, but in the current job market where folks are searching for new roles for months on end, the onslaught of rejection is simply a part of the experience. Most of us have never experienced this level of rejection before. Perhaps even more difficult is that the majority of the time, the rejection arrives in a generic template that lacks real incite into why you weren't a good fit. Months and months of generic, templatized rejection can fully destroy your confidence and be spirit crushing.
When looking for advice on navigating rejection, one phrase pops up over and over. "Don't take it personally." Yet, it's rare that this particular piece of advice is followed by anything more tangible in terms of how to actually accomplish that.
So, this is a guide for handling rejection during your job search with actionable ways to process the feeling of having a door slammed in your face over and over. And while I can't promise that this list will help you take the rejection less personally, I can promise that the actions laid out here have helped myself and my clients work through rejection in more gentle and human ways that help make riding the wave of no's a bit more manageable.
Ground your racing thoughts in the emotions you are feeling.
The very first thing that happens when I'm faced with rejection is the fuzzy feeling in my chest that everything is collapsing. The more I had my hopes up about an opportunity the bigger this collapse can feel. My brain instantly starts racing and I'm prone to negative thinking and putting myself down. Before those thoughts take over, I give my brain a little game to identify and name the emotions that I am feeling. So when I start thinking "Of course they didn't want me," I pause and reframe the emotion "I'm embarrassed I got excited about this job and it didn't work out." And, "I'm never going to get a job" becomes "I am feeling a lot of fear around not finding a job." Naming my emotions is grounding. Instead of skittering off into the depths of what and why, I find naming the concrete human emotions I am feeling helps me understand my reactions more and process those emotions faster.
Take a walk.
One of the most relatable videos I've seen lately is the one of a man out for a walk saying "You know what the most annoying thing is about having to take a stupid walk everyday for my stupid mental health? It's that it f***ing works." BINGO! Moving your body literally changes the hormones your body is pumping into your system. If you have the ability to do it, get up and move. Even if all you can muster is some stretching or a little jumping up and down. Moving your body can feed your brain some good snacks and stop it from munching on the self loathing it was feeding on. Bottom line, stupid mental health walks work.
Stop counting.
When I talk with my clients that are on the job hunt they almost always throw numbers at me. "I've applied to 113 jobs this week and I've only gotten 2 interview." There is a time and place for counting, but our brains like to use numbers as evidence to prove a point. When we're getting a lot of rejection, it's easy for our brain to say "That's 113 times someone has said no to you, what is wrong with you?" So, stop counting. Take the pressure off of the numbers and commit to using that brain space more productively. If you're working out of a spreadsheet, build a form that you can use to submit new jobs you've applied for to the spreadsheet. That will stop you from noticing the cell count. If that seems extreme, try breaking up your spreadsheet into multiple pages and list the jobs in categories around type of role or your experience. Anything you can do from giving yourself a big easy number your brain can use to try to shame you.
Allow yourself a focused reflection period.
Reflection is one of the best ways to make sure we're growing, adjusting and moving forward. But here's the thing, when we're in a period of regular rejection, reflection can feel too vulnerable and can go sideways quickly. Use this very focused set of questions to reflect after each rejection.
1. What is one thing that made this role a good fit for you?
2. What is one thing that made this role not a good fit for you?
3. What is one thing you will do differently in your search going forward?
4. What is one thing you felt went well and you will continuing doing in your search going forward?
Sticking to these questions will give you good fodder to consider what kinds of roles you want to keep applying for and give you two clear actionable things you do for your search. Let your reflection lead you forward rather than lead you backwards.
Recognize yourself and the skills you are building.
What I see from folks searching for their next job right now is strength, resilience, grit, determination, work ethic, humility, willingness to ask for help, and dedication. I'd be willing to bet that no project you've ever done in role has given you experience like this. Looking for a job is hard work. Find ways to recognize and reward yourself for the immense amount of energy you are putting into your search right now. Have the extra cookie, give yourself permission to take a day off, go to the beach, read a book for fun, etc. Be kind to yourself and do kind things for yourself to celebrate how hard you are working right now.
Job searching is never easy, but right now it is a giant mountain to climb in your career. Rejection is going to be part of the climb, but it doesn't define your worth or future success. Keep moving forward, stay kind to yourself, and trust that the right opportunity is out there waiting for you.
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Hi, I'm Brittany, a Leadership & Resilience Coach. I help professionals navigate through challenges and unknowns that are impacting their career and partnering with them through 1:1 coaching to come out the other side with calm, clarity, and confidence. If that resonates with you, I'd love to work with you! Book a free Discovery & Coaching Call today.